Stepping into 35 and thinking back on some previous birthdays…

I vividly remember turning 27. I mean, I remember all of my birthdays, obviously, but that one stands out. I took my yearly birthday photo for Instagram, and what no one could see was that my face was a MESS because I could not stop crying. My back was turned and I was holding my balloons, but I was the complete opposite of happy.

If you’ve been a follower for a long time, then you probably know I was previously married. I was married young, in my opinion, and by age 27, after just a year of marriage, I was headed for divorce. I was living a life with someone I was not in love with.

That’s all come and gone, and I often reflect on that time in my life. I felt successful, I was financially stable, I lived in my dream apartment in LA, and I had great friends. But I was incredibly unhappy in my marriage.

In fact, I went into that marriage knowing I didn’t want to get married in the first place. I did anyway because I was scared to express how I felt to ANYONE… so I kept it a secret, for the most part, and allowed it to completely eat me up inside.

I dreamed of being in a marriage I was happy in. I LONGED for it. One where… I hate to say it, but… one where I was in love with my husband. Someone I wanted to have kids with.

Fast forward… I’m 35 years old, happily married with two daughters! We live in our dream home and love this little life we’ve built. We’ve absolutely gone through our struggles, but life is so different when you’re facing trials with someone you truly want to be with. You’re a team, and you just know you can make it through anything.

At 35, I’m a much calmer person. I’ve done a lot of inner work over the last four years or so, but leaving my stressful/toxic 9-to-5 finally gave me the mental space to completely shift my mindset and step into this current version of myself. A version I have never known. My life is PEACEFUL.

We’re gonna rewind really quick, actually… When I was still in my first marriage, I got a tattoo that says “être en paix” which means “to be at peace” in french. I got it during a time in my life where peace was something I wanted, but I knew in order to achieve that, I needed to make some drastic changes.

I’ve always been a bit of a “risk taker.” From the outside, some of my decisions might seem rash, but usually, they come after a long time of knowing something needs to change. I’ve learned to trust my gut and take the leap without knowing what the hell is even in front of me… I mean, I AM a Libra. ⚖️

All this to say… I wish 27-year-old me could see the life 35-year-old me is living, because she had no idea how much happiness was still ahead of her.

And that goes for anyone… whatever you’re going through right now, a future version of you is probably like, “girl, it’s gonna be okay! Just TRUST ME.”