I have not been looking forward to writing this, but by living my life publicly, letting you all into my life for the past 5 years, I knew this was something I’d need to address at some point…. I've had portions of this written for months now, and I currently feel like I'm going to throw up, because I'm so nervous to post this. Anyway, I’ve put it off for a year, so… here we are. I’m not writing this because I feel like I owe anyone an explanation. I am writing this because I hate knowing that this question is practically lingering in the air of all of my instagram stories. Feeling like I have to hide my left hand in photos just so people won’t comment anything about not having a ring on my finger.
I've lost count with how many times I’ve been DM’d “are you still married” “why haven’t you been wearing your ring?” or “why isn't Cody in your stories anymore?” Or my absolute favorites are when my friends tell me the most RANDOM people have asked THEM, "Is Hayley still married?" I've even gotten some pretty rude messages about this. People literally getting upset with me because I've "left you all hanging," or "your followers DESERVE to know what's happening because we've followed from the beginning." K.... Guys. THIS IS MY LIFE. My personal life. I do not HAVE to share this with you. Keep in mind, this is not just about me... This involves my family, another person, and their family. Of course, I've gotten a lot of kind messages along the way of people just asking if I'm ok, so I have appreciated those. But I really have gotten tired of just constantly getting messages about this, so it was time for me to just share so it can be put to rest. I do want to put the reminder out there, though, that a divorce is much, MUCH more than just a breakup. It's a million times harder, and you should never just flat out ask someone, "did you get divorced?" Especially if you don't even know the person. It is so insensitive and I'd cry each time I got a message like that.
After 7 years together, and a year in limbo after that, Cody and I are no longer together. While we did get married and everything, we had our issues way before that. Getting married is not what broke us apart. We had already lived together for 5 years, and honestly, aside from my last name, nothing really changed once we were married. Don’t get me wrong… Cody was my absolute best friend and we shared some of my favorite memories together. However, we knew something in our relationship was missing, in a sense… and in the end, we loved (and still love,) each other enough to let each other go because we weren't making each other happy for quite some time.
To slightly back track - In the year 2018, I specifically remember a 3 month period where I cried every.single.day.
We had a really tough year… went to marriage counseling, tried different therapists, went to church together, worked on things individually, prayed, and prayed, and PRAYED. But all in all, it’s like we knew what the best decision would be… we just didn’t want it to come to that.
I also work as a jeweler, so at work, I’m talking about engagements, weddings, anniversaries, push presents, 24 fucking 7. And being that I've been there for 3.5 years, returning customers know that I got married, and I’d have to answer the “how’s married life?!” question a million and a half times. I told absolutely no one what was going on for the longest time, so the second I’d get off of work, I’d literally cry and pray about what we should do my entire way home… and my commute is an hour.
We decided to separate last January in 2019, and ultimately, during that time, we decided it would be best for us to end our marriage. While it’s been a difficult road, and a sad one, I feel that we are finally at peace, and I’m at the point where I can talk about this without crying.
I don’t need anyone to feel bad for me, and I didn’t write this in hopes to get a flood of sympathy messages. I promise I am ok. We took this as a learning experience, yes, we "co-parent" Meela, and we are on good terms. Regardless of what our outcome was, our wedding day will always be a good memory.
Thank you for letting us know. I hope the best for both of you ❤️
Hayley I am so incredibly sorry. I have been following your blog and ig for very long time. I wish you love and true happiness and know you will find whatever you desire. All the best
People say the most brainless things sometimes. I’m happy you’re healing and feeling at peace – this is what’s most important after all. Lots of love to you! I enjoy your blog so much!
That was so brave of you to share. I’m happy you’re in a place of peace on this. You deserve that!
I think you’re hilarious and truly enjoy following what you share on Instagram. Can’t wait to see what 2020 has in store for you! ?
So I completely get where you are coming from. I divorced 5 1/2 years ago now and felt like everyone wanted (and still want) to know why.
The why is still my business and I don’t share unless people knew the story from the beginning.
Proud of you for coming out as you were ready.
Istill cry and I’m engaged again to my long time best friend. Even he knows it’s sensitive but at the end of the day life continues and we keep being bad boss ladies. That doesn’t stop.
Plus our puppies somehow offer the best love even in the most challenging times because they can’t question you, ask you anything, but they can provide quiet support which is what we all need during this time.
Love this post and I wish you peace!
Sending you so much love & wishing you an abundance of happiness always ♥️
I just want to say congratulations! You can live life to the fullest now. You’re a strong woman and still continue to be an example.
I’m sorry Hayley! I honestly think you’re an incredible human being and I always wish the best for you. ♡
Hi, thank you for sharing this. I know it is difficult and not easy to share something so personal.
I can relate as I had a similar situation happen to me. I was with my ex for 7 years and we were married for 3.
My ex decided he wanted to move out west to Oregon, from Florida where we were living at the time. At this point we were in our third year of marriage and actively trying to have a family. He went to California for work for a week and when he came back, he decided that I wasn’t what he wanted anymore. I can relate to the heartache and the crying everyday. I was so blindsided and had none of my family on the west coast to help me heal. I stayed out there for a month on my own and did a lot of healing by myself. After a month I saved enough money to drive myself and my dog back to Florida. No we don’t co-parent. I was taking the dog, regardless of what he had to say.
I have been home in Florida almost two years and have met the love of my life. I couldn’t be happier and everything feels so different this time around then it did with my ex. Hang in there. You are finally to the point where you no longer cry and things will continue to get better from here. Thought I’d share a little personal information with you, since you have shared so much with all of us… ?
Best of luck,
I love you – you are so brave Hay ❤️
Oh, Hayley this is so sad. But is also a new beginning and the worst part is the time when you are trying to decide what you should do. I cried when I read this as I have followed you for years. You’re blessed to have your family, friends and all your fans, thank God every day for them. There was a reason for your time with Cody, the relationship made you grow to a strong, secure and beautiful young woman. So many stay in a wrong relationship or marriage because of status, money or because they fear change. You did the right thing and may the future treat you kindly and may you find a new love when you are ready. Love and hugs,
Maria! I always remember you and your sweet comments through the years. Thank you so much for the kind words and the support you’ve shown me for so long <3
Divorce is very very tough! I have been divorced for almost ten years and it took me so long (more than a year) before I was ready to take off my wedding band, let alone not feel so much regret and guilt. You don’t owe anyone an explanation about what you’re going through. It will be so hard and your heart will hurt for awhile but you will get through it and be so much stronger in the end. I wish you the best and hope that you heal in your own way, on your own terms.
This is so brave of you to post. I’m sorry love didn’t work out this time but praying you’ll find all the love and happiness your heart desires someday. All the best, Lynette.
P.S. I enjoy your instagram so much! Keep slaying! ?
Wish You Both The Best❤️
Not gonna lie this was something I often wondered but it’s not my place to ask. Marriage is hard and it sure doesn’t fix anything! But good for you guys in knowing that something wasn’t working and not being afraid to say something or do something about it! I hope the best for both of you and I look forward to following your journey like always!
I’ve worked in family law for 20 years and I deal with the debris of marriage on a daily basis. I am not here to judge, ask questions, or offer you legal advice. Just know that you don’t owe anyone an explanation and your personal life is exactly that – PERSONAL! Keep your chin up and God bless! xoxo
Love your blog, keep being you❤️
I am so very sorry love ❤️. I am sorry you had to share this as well. All I can do is send you some love and prayers for happiness in your future.
Thank you for sharing ❤️ I went through a similar situation 8 years ago and everyone assumed it was their business, making the whole thing even worse. But, it didn’t take long for me to realize it was the best decision I ever made and the best thing to ever happen to me. I have no doubt that it was 100% the best thing for you and you will only come out of it happier and stronger than ever before!
You definitely don’t owe anyone an explanation and I can’t believe how insensitive people can be. Praying for you during your healing process. Still love your blog to pieces.
Love you ❤️ to pieces ?
Sending you lots of love! Everyone deserves to be happy.
So incredibly hard to do! I honor your vulnerability and authenticity! I went through the same thing in 2014-2015.
You’re incredible and are WORTHY of a beautiful perfect life you’ve always dreamed of.
I just wanted to say GO YOU!!!! It takes a lot to do what you did and you probably helped so many others just by telling your story! You are right, you didn’t need to give anyone an explanation; The fact that you put all those raw emotions and feelings out there shows you are human and I think it will help young ladies connect to you and life decisions in a different way. I just wanted to say thank you for your voice and the differences you make! No matter what you’ve got goin on, I’ll be followin’ ya lady! ? Positive vibes ALWAYS!
Thank you for sharing ❤️
ur brave girl ? i love that ur real. i wish u the best in love and just life live it?
Sorry to hear this. You are a Queen, you will bounce back, with resilience.
I followed you during your Wedding journey, I was engaged at the same time. I recently just got married this NYE! However, I’ve been knowing that you weren’t wearing your ring and then noticed he wasn’t in your stories but I just assumed he didn’t like to be and you are a jeweler so rings differ.
Anyways, I stayed following bc I liked your personality. I must admit, it does suck to know a divorce happened after a Wedding but it doesn’t change my thoughts of you. You’re at peace and that’s what matters.
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Hayley – I think is sweet you say that your wedding day is a great memory, it is an honest truth. We only live once and sometimes love like that does not last. I think it is alright to have more then one love in your life. It is how you handle it. I have been thinking about how men and women get married and sometimes it does not work but they remain really good friends. I think society puts a lot of pressure on a man and woman to get married when the reality is they are friends and want to remain that. Always go with your gut and do what is best for you.
Thank you for posting this. Marriage can be hard.. I pray God is with you on your new adventure!