I have not been looking forward to writing this, but by living my life publicly, letting you all into my life for the past 5 years, I knew this was something I’d need to address at some point…. I've had portions of this written for months now, and I currently feel like I'm going to throw up, because I'm so nervous to post this. Anyway, I’ve put it off for a year, so… here we are. I’m not writing this because I feel like I owe anyone an explanation. I am writing this because I hate knowing that this question is practically lingering in the air of all of my instagram stories. Feeling like I have to hide my left hand in photos just so people won’t comment anything about not having a ring on my finger.
I've lost count with how many times I’ve been DM’d “are you still married” “why haven’t you been wearing your ring?” or “why isn't Cody in your stories anymore?” Or my absolute favorites are when my friends tell me the most RANDOM people have asked THEM, "Is Hayley still married?" I've even gotten some pretty rude messages about this. People literally getting upset with me because I've "left you all hanging," or "your followers DESERVE to know what's happening because we've followed from the beginning." K.... Guys. THIS IS MY LIFE. My personal life. I do not HAVE to share this with you. Keep in mind, this is not just about me... This involves my family, another person, and their family. Of course, I've gotten a lot of kind messages along the way of people just asking if I'm ok, so I have appreciated those. But I really have gotten tired of just constantly getting messages about this, so it was time for me to just share so it can be put to rest. I do want to put the reminder out there, though, that a divorce is much, MUCH more than just a breakup. It's a million times harder, and you should never just flat out ask someone, "did you get divorced?" Especially if you don't even know the person. It is so insensitive and I'd cry each time I got a message like that.
After 7 years together, and a year in limbo after that, Cody and I are no longer together. While we did get married and everything, we had our issues way before that. Getting married is not what broke us apart. We had already lived together for 5 years, and honestly, aside from my last name, nothing really changed once we were married. Don’t get me wrong… Cody was my absolute best friend and we shared some of my favorite memories together. However, we knew something in our relationship was missing, in a sense… and in the end, we loved (and still love,) each other enough to let each other go because we weren't making each other happy for quite some time.
To slightly back track - In the year 2018, I specifically remember a 3 month period where I cried every.single.day.
We had a really tough year… went to marriage counseling, tried different therapists, went to church together, worked on things individually, prayed, and prayed, and PRAYED. But all in all, it’s like we knew what the best decision would be… we just didn’t want it to come to that.
I also work as a jeweler, so at work, I’m talking about engagements, weddings, anniversaries, push presents, 24 fucking 7. And being that I've been there for 3.5 years, returning customers know that I got married, and I’d have to answer the “how’s married life?!” question a million and a half times. I told absolutely no one what was going on for the longest time, so the second I’d get off of work, I’d literally cry and pray about what we should do my entire way home… and my commute is an hour.
We decided to separate last January in 2019, and ultimately, during that time, we decided it would be best for us to end our marriage. While it’s been a difficult road, and a sad one, I feel that we are finally at peace, and I’m at the point where I can talk about this without crying.
I don’t need anyone to feel bad for me, and I didn’t write this in hopes to get a flood of sympathy messages. I promise I am ok. We took this as a learning experience, yes, we "co-parent" Meela, and we are on good terms. Regardless of what our outcome was, our wedding day will always be a good memory.