Now that I'm entering into a completely new stage of life, my content will naturally change a bit. It's so weird/surreal being at that age where friends are getting pregnant. You always think about that when you're younger - "when we're older and have kids..." and then you're at that point in life. It's something I've always looked forward to and I viewed it as this super fun, glorious time in life where I'd have this cute baby bump, I’d be in pregnant bliss, and just be loving every moment, but BOY WAS I WAY OFF.
Being pregnant is hard and not enough people talk about it. I feel like everyone just knows about the third trimester when you feel like you’re going to explode and then labor.
First trimester has been anything but glorious. I’ve felt sick all day everyday. Thrown up more times than I can count. I can’t STAND certain smells or food. I want to throw up if I smell cologne, oatmeal, or coffee. I’m exhausted like the second I wake up... and I just truly do not feel like myself. In all honesty, my depression has really been kicking in and it's been tough. I'm 12 weeks right now and while I do feel a lot better than I did during weeks 5-10, I'm still kind of miserable. It’s difficult to be at work for 9 hours, yawning every 3 minutes, and throwing up like every other day. I had a complete meltdown on Sunday. We were eating dinner and Daniel was like “it looks like you have a lot on your mind.” and I burst into tears. Hormones are clearly in FULL swing. He obviously knows how I’ve been feeling, but I let it all out and was like “I feel like shit, I don’t feel like myself, I don’t remember what it’s even LIKE to feel like myself, I don’t like the way I look.” And I went on and on.
In the past, I never really struggled with body image. If I felt like I needed to workout, then I would, but right now I am so freaking exhausted all the time, I just want to sleep. Then people will be like “Omg you’re already showing?!” and then I start questions everything: “I’ve just gained weight and I have a food baby. What part is the actual baby and what part is just straight up fat?!”
Thankfully, Daniel knows how to handle my crazy mood swings and can calm me down better than anyone.
It has been really hard and I feel guilty for not being like, "omg I love being pregnant," but reality is, I don't right now. Many have mentioned the second trimester is much better, and I’m alllllmost there.